Tell Me You're Done
by Erin or Lindsay
Summary: How I thought 3x01 was going to be like. Slight OOC Jay. ONESHOT. T for some swears


A/N: I wrote this before the promo came out, Jay might be a little OOC..

S/O to ako94 for helping me

* * *

Jay still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his sergeant told him that Erin had quit. That his partner walked out on him. He couldn't believe where he was. He just didn't think that he would be waiting to see if Erin would be walking out of Bunny's bar or if he was going to have to go in after her. He sent her five messages on his way over, telling her that if she wasn't outside in fifteen minutes to explain herself, he was going in to get her. Whether she wanted to or not.

Five minutes after the last text, Jay found himself staring at the woman that he was once in love with. Her hair was greasy and looked like it hadn't been washed in days.

"What do you want, Jay?" Her eyes had lost their joyful shine and her dimples weren't as noticeable.

"Come on, Erin. You know exactly why I'm here."

"You want me to come back to the unit? Like nothing happened, right? Like I didn't get her killed!"

"Erin no." Jay took a deep breath, trying to get his words in order. "I just want to know that you're done. Tell me you're done, face to face. Tell me that you're done with Intelligence and Voight and me."

"I'm done." Erin turns on her heel to head back into the bar. Back into a place that is a lot safer to her than out on the sidewalk feeling vulnerable with the man who knows almost everything about her.

"I loved you. That entire time that we were together, I loved you and I was too afraid that I would scare you off to say it."

It hit her like a ton of bricks. _Loved_. Hearing the past tense, it was foreign to her. She never doubted that he did love her, but the thought that he stopped was like a punch to the gut.

"But you're done with me so I'm not going to keep trying for something that will never happen. For something that never was. Because we never really were anything, right Erin? I was just an easy lay but the second Voight starts to catch on you quit it." With that, he walked back to his car and drove off. And she stood there watching the road until his taillights were out of sight with that one word repeating in her head.

Erin walked back into the bar and took her seat. Her eyes locked on a spot on the wall and didn't shift until her mother stood in her way.

"Was it Voight again? He still trying to get you back even after you quit?"

"No, Mom. It was Jay."

"Your ex? What, he decided that now since you quit he can try to get in your pants again?" Erin could feel herself sobering up at her attempt at defending Jay.

"No. That's what Landon did. Jay's better than him. He's not trying to get in my pants, he's concerned about me." That's when it hit her, she thought that if she quit, she could push them all away. But she can't. Well, she thought that she couldn't with Jay, that he would always be there waiting for her. But she told him that she was done. She can't be though, they never gave it a chance to become something real.

"Better?" Bunny scoffed at the accusation. "This is the same partner who jumped in your bed the second that you left the unit just to save his own ass with Hank."

"Mom! You have no idea what you are talking about. Jay didn't jump into my bed. I was the one who went to his house." Erin stopped herself from going further. "You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you." Erin pushed the fresh beer away from her. She knew what she had to do, and she knew that she had basically screwed any chances that she had at talking to Voight.

"Erin stop it. You're being childish. Just sit back down and have another beer, maybe call Landon and you guys can have a little fun tonight."

"Bunny. I'm not doing this anymore."

Erin walked out of the bar but she didn't know where to go. She couldn't go home yet. She knew what was waiting for her and she knew that she couldn't handle it in the mindset that she had. She couldn't go to Voight's in this state, she had to show him that she could do this on her own a little. She obviously couldn't go to Jay's because he would throw her out. In her mind, the only person in Intelligence that she didn't royally screw up with was Antonio, so she began to walk.

She remembered hearing about him, Jay and Roman buying that old gym they used to go to. Thinking because it was still early, that she would try to go there first.

She pushes through the front door, hearing the little bell ring, she looks around the dimly lit gym. She walked around the dusty gym, clearly the boys needed a little help getting it together. Her boots clicked against the wooden floor as she made her way towards to office door.

"Hey, we're closing." He couldn't see her face from the dim lighting.

"Hi Antonio." Erin gave the man who was like a brother to her a sheepish smile, hoping that he wouldn't be too mad at her for all of the pain that she has caused their family.

"Er, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to someone. If you're mad at me too just tell me and I'll head out." She heard him sigh, not wanting to be mad at her any longer.

"No, I'm not mad. Actually, I'm very happy to see you." He walked up to her and pulled her into a hug, something that she was very grateful for.

"I screwed up , I screwed up real bad and I don't think that they'll forgive me."

"Okay, just calm down a little. We can go talk about this in the office." They walked in and sat down, Antonio left the door cracked open incase anyone else wandered into the gym.

"Alright, Er. Talk to me." He could see that she was doubting herself in coming here. "Hey, this is me you're talking to. I can handle anything you throw at me. Just start by telling me who's mad at you."

"Everyone. Hank and Jay especially." She was visibly shaken from this, so he knew that it had to be bad. "You know about my past, you know that I was in a bad place with a bad crowd and my mom wasn't much of a mom to me." She looked up at him, continuing after he nods his head. "I got 'reacquainted' with an old friend. And I've been having a tough time ever since Nadia...and I know that's no excuse but I don't know what else happened to me." He knew who _she_ was, he would never forget.

"How bad are you right now?"

"I've been coming down for a couple hours, the withdrawal will probably hit me hard tonight. Which is why I'm here."

"You want a place to crash."

"Just for a few-" She was cut off by the bell over the door ringing. "I thought you said you were closed."

"We are. It's probably just Halstead or Roman." Her stomach dropped when she heard the voice that used to comfort her after a tough case.

"Hey, Toni. I'm just gonna grab a pair of gloves." His voice got softer and softer as it trailed off when he saw her. "What the hell? Erin, what the hell? I gave you a chance to explain yourself and to shut me out and now you're here." He shook his head at her in disbelief. "You know what Dawson, I'll come by in the morning and open up for a while." And with that he was gone.

"Alright. You're coming home with me and then you're going to explain. You can stay in Ava's old room if that's not too weird for you."

"No that'll be great, thank you."

* * *

After spending the night explaining her situation to Antonio, Erin knew what she had to do. She knew that she had to talk to Voight and Jay. But first, she knew that she needed to show them that she could get clean and stay clean. Antonio decided to help her out, he let her clean up around the gym, keeping a little bit of maintenance. But she was only there the hours that Jay wasn't. She and Antonio decided that it would be best to give her a couple days to get herself together before going back to them. There was an AA meeting at the rehab center that she put Nadia in, but Antonio decided that that would be too much for her to handle. After the eighth day of helping Antonio, she pulled him aside at the gym.

"So I was thinking that I would try to talk to Jay tomorrow." She saw a hesitant look in his eye.

"Erin, I don't know about that."

"Now, I know you're going to tell me that it would be a bad idea, but I don't think it would be. I know that you know that Jay and I were together for a little bit. And you probably thought that we were just sleeping together, that we were trying to have a little fun behind Voight's back. But it was more than that. God, Antonio it was so much more than just fucking around after a hard case. I'm in love with a man who was afraid to tell me he loved me because he thought I would get scared off. And now I'm in love with a man who doesn't love me back anymore." Erin stood there in front of a man who she thought of as a brother. She had tears in her eyes willing to roll down her face.

"Erin, are you kidding me? That man wouldn't be able to stop loving you. There's nothing in the world that could make him not love you."

"He told me Antonio. He said that he loved me. _LOVED._ "

"Well yeah, Erin. You hurt him real bad. But he still loves you and he just wants you to get better. It kills him to see you like this, he's been miserable at work because he's had to work with Atwater." A small chuckle escaped her lips. "If you want to talk to him, then go ahead. But be prepared that he might not be ready for this."

"Thanks Toni." She pulled him into a hug.

"You know I would do anything for you Er. You're family." He kissed the side of her head. "Alright it's officially past closing time, so I'm going to lock up and I'll meet you at home."

Erin nodded and walked outside to go to her car. As she was reaching into her pocket for her keys, she bumped into someone and dropped them.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'll get that." The voice was familiar enough to make chills run through her bones. "How ya been Erin? It's been a couple weeks."

"Landon."

"What? You use me for my stash for a little bit and then you just drop off? That's not cool Erin." He took a couple steps closer to her, and he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her against him. "Come on Erin. Let's go party a little tonight."

"Landon. Stop it, I'm not partying anymore. I'm clean and I'm staying clean."

"Yeah that's what you said 15 years ago. Who are you trying to impress? Daddy dearest? Maybe that boyfriend who can't seem to leave you alone."

"Landon, I told you I'm done. Now let me go."  
"And I told you that's not cool." His grip on her arm got tighter as she struggled against him, eventually pulling it out of his grasp. She took a step back and he lunged at her, swinging one hand and hitting her in the side of the face.

Antonio walked out and saw Erin on the ground, Landon standing over her ready to take another swing.

"HEY HEY CPD! BACK AWAY" Before he could even finish speaking, Landon took off down the street. Antonio saw Erin sitting up, holding the side of her face. "Hey, Erin. Let me see."

"No I'm fine. He just took a swing at me. Let's just go home."

"Fine, but I'm having Gabby meet us there. I can't just sit at home knowing that you might have a concussion."

Erin woke up the next morning with a bruise covering the side of her face. And no matter how she looked, she actually felt good inside for the first time in a while. She knew that if she was going to see Jay, today would be the day. She got dressed and went downstairs to talk to Antonio

"Morning."

"Got a nice shiner there Butch."

"Yeah makes me look kinda tough."

" You still going to go to Jay's?"

"Yeah, what time do you guys have to be in?"

"Around 930." She raised her eyebrows at the late time. "Yeah I know, but Voight doesn't really care when we show up if we don't have an active case. He's usually there pretty early anyways."

"He's probably looking into all the OD cases." He gave her a confused look. "He's worried I might do something. When he first took me in, he told me that he would look into all the overdose cases to make sure that it wasn't me."

"You're always going to be his kid and he's always going to worry about you. Just like I'll always worry about Diego and Ava, even when I know they're safe with Laura. It's just hard not to worry, even when they're grown up." Erin knew that Hank was worried sick about her, and it made her feel awful that she was doing this to him. He had more things to worry about: Justin and his family, the commander, the unit.

"You're right." She looked at the clock and saw that it was 8. "Okay I'm going to go to Jay's and catch him before he leaves for the district."

"Alright good luck. And remember, just give him time. He'll come around eventually. Trust me."

20 minutes later she sat on the steps on the building that used to be a home to her. She spent countless nights there seeking comfort, even before they were together. He was punctual, that was one thing he never lost from the army. She knew his daily routine: get up, work out, shower, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat. Day in and day out. So she was not surprised to see the lobby door swing open at exactly 8:13 and her partner -ex partner- coming bounding out after.

"Jay. Hey." He stopped in his steps when he heard the voice. He turned to see her standing there wearing sunglasses, jeans and a t shirt.

"What do you want Erin?"

"I just wanted to see if we could get lunch later, or dinner if you guys are busy. I want to talk to you, Jay."

"Oh now you want to talk?" He scoffed at her still wearing sunglasses at 8 in the morning. "Do you think that I'm stupid enough to not know that you're high right now Erin? I mean come on, sunglasses are a little cliche." He reached up and pulled them off her face, expecting to see her glassy, bloodshot eyes. Erin slightly winced when the glasses hit the bruise and she heard him gasp. The two of them stood there, staring at each other for a moment.

"You're not high."

"No Jay. I haven't taken anything for over a week. Now I know it's probably after 8:13 and you're most likely still mad at me and that's okay. But I just want to talk to you, about everything. So you can think about it and call me later if you want to." She gave him a soft smile before turning back and walking to her car.

Jay continued on with his daily routine, but when he got to the he walked into Voight's office.

"Halstead, you better be in here to explain to me why exactly you're 25 minutes late."  
"Sir I am. Now you might not believe me, but I was talking to Lindsay." Jay watched as his sergeant's head pick up. "She was waiting for me outside my building and told me that she wants to talk. And before you even ask, yes she looks good and healthy and she told me she's been clean for a week." He thought it would be good to leave out the black eye because he wanted answers to that as well. "I'm going to meet her later to catch up."

As the day went on, Jay was eager to meet with Erin. It's been nine days since he last talked to her, 17 since they had actually had a conversation, and too long since they had been with each other solely for comfort. Jay knew that he should have pushed harder to be with her after Nadia's death, that he could have helped her, but he was too afraid of getting hurt. He decided that he needed to go see her and hear her out.

 _Jay: 12:30, the Purple Pig..see you there_

It only took moments for her to get back to him.

 _Erin: Great, see you there_

The next two hours crawled by for Jay. He was anxious to talk to her. To find out how she's really been doing. How she got the black eye. They still hadn't gotten a case, so the whole unit was bored, and as 12 rolled around, he gave Voight a nod towards the door.

"It still alright if I go out for lunch?"

"Yeah." The detective turned to walk away. "Hey Jay. Just let me know that she's okay? I'm still really worried about her."

"Absolutely sir."

* * *

He walked into the restaurant and saw that the place was pretty empty, considering it was before lunch hour on a weekday. He looked around and found her sitting at their usual table. He gave her a soft smile. He could tell that she didn't know where they stood, he didn't either. All he knew was he was happy that she was here.

"God, I'm so glad you're okay."

"I know I have a lot to apologize for and a lot to explain." He noticed the plate of truffles between them and smiled up at her. "I figured I would pay up from that bet."

"Jay let me apologize before anything else. I'm sorry, for not talking to you, for going off the deep end, and especially for pushing you away even before I knew that I fell off the wagon." She took a breath and looked down at her hands for a second. "I'm sorry I made us cool it. I never wanted that but I couldn't handle Hank's disappointment. But if you would ever give me a second chance, just know that I would put you first." She heard his deep sigh and looked up at him. "I'm not saying that you have to, because I don't even think that I deserve one for everything that I put you through-" She stops herself after she hears him sigh, knowing that he wasn't ready for them to have this conversation.

"What about Voight? How is he doing with all of this? Honestly?"

"Pretty hard." Jay saw her head drop a little. "But he's always had hope that you would get yourself out of this. He just had a different perspective than I did. He wanted to step back, thought that you wouldn't take his help if he offered. But he told me that if I thought being up front would work, then I should try it." He laughed a little at himself. "You know me, Er. Never one to back down from a challenge. Actually, a lot has changed since you've been gone. Voight and I are almost friends I think. He hasn't threatened by job in almost two weeks. That's gotta be a record or something." He chuckled at himself a little before looking up at her again. "So how are you doing? Really."

"I'm.. I'm doing better than I was last week. I haven't had a drink in nine days, I haven't taken anything in almost two weeks. Antonio's been helping me get my feet back under me. Actually, he's been letting me help out at the gym. Just cleaning, some sweeping, washing the towels."

"Ohh so that's why it's been so clean lately?"

"Well yeah. You should be thanking me, you know. If it wasn't for me, then that place would smell disgusting." They both laughed a little, agreeing that the three men knew nothing about cleaning.

"What about Bunny? Or Landon?" Jay saw her hesitate. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."

"No, it's fine. I owe you that much. Um, I was staying with Bunny the past couple weeks, until that night that you talked to me outside the bar. That was the night I gave up everything, and I walked right down to the gym to talk to Tonio. And Landon."

"Erin, it's okay if you guys were together. I can't get mad, we aren't together. Technically, I guess we never were, officially."

"We were, Landon and I. It was just for a couple weeks and it wasn't anything serious. He was the one who supplied me these past couple weeks. At first it was only a little, but then he could tell that I was losing myself and I basically gave up. But, like I told you, I haven't taken anything in almost two weeks. At first he didn't have a problem with it, he just thought that I had some extra saved up. But then last night he must have followed me to the gym. I was going home, well Antonio's home, and I didn't see him standing outside. I bumped into him and he started to get mad, he grabbed me and I started to fight back. Then he took a swing at me and the next thing I know, Antonio's standing over me yelling down the street."

"So that's where the black eye came from?"

"Yeah."

"But you're okay now?" She nodded again at his words, and looked right down at her hands.

"Can we talk about us for a second?" Their eyes met, doubt behind his and hope behind hers.

"Uh yeah. I don't know what there is to talk about. I thought that we left things pretty clean cut. I mean, we were just having fun right?"

"Jay, you know that isn't what it was. Last week, it didn't seem like you thought we were just having fun."

"Yeah, well last week I thought you were dead. Every day, I had Roman on patrol letting me know if any ODs came in. And everyday, I went down to that crime scene, or to the morgue to make sure it wasn't you. Do you know how many women in their 20s overdose? Too many. And do you know how many bodies came in matching your description? More than I could handle in a day." He didn't know why he did it, but once he started, he couldn't stop.

"Jay, please stop."

"No, Erin. I had to look at dead bodies that looked identical to you because you were too selfish to even let us know that you were alive. Okay, and you're right. That was more than us having fun to me. But only _to me._ Because if you even felt a tenth of the feelings I have for you, if you ever loved me at all, you would have let me tell Voight. I was ready to walk in his office your first day back and hand in my badge because I knew that if he gave me the choice: you or intelligence. I would chose you. I would pick you everytime because I knew back then I was in love with you."

"Jay, I did love you. I still do."

"If you loved me then why wouldn't you tell Voight? Why did you let us end it? Why did you tell me that you were done? To mess around with my head again?"

"Because I was scared. He raised me and I couldn't disappoint him. Not when that was the one rule he had for me."

"Then you should have let me talked to him the second you got back. Hell Erin, you should have let me be there for you after New York. Voight wouldn't have cared then if he knew then that I could have helped you."

"I know and I am sorry. I am sorry for pushing you away and for ending it and for not telling Voight. But if you just let me show you that I'm serious about us again then-"

"There is no us. Erin there was never any us. You couldn't commit, so you put your walls up and pushed me away. So I'm done trying to push back." And with those last words still burning in her mind, she watched him walk away once again.

* * *

It's early, too early for any case to be worked on. But she knows that he's up there. So she gets Platt to buzz her up without any questions and she stands in the middle of the bullpen, looking into his office. He's sitting in his chair, back partially to her, but she knows that the second she takes a step, he'll hear her, but at this point she doesn't care. She hasn't seen him in weeks and right now she could use her dad. She took a couple steps towards his door, she watches him swing his chair around and she can almost see the flicker of hope in his eye grow into a fire. He stood up and opened the door, standing in the doorway he was almost trying to take in the sight of her as if she would disappear at any moment.

"Hi Hank." Erin slowly took a few more steps towards him until they were an arms length apart. They were staring at each other, tears filling both of their eyes. "I'm so sorry, dad." That was it, hearing her call him dad broke them both. Even when she was a teen, those rare times that she called him dad was a heart jerker. She buried her face against his chest, mumbling I'm sorrys over and over again until he pulled away, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Stop apologizing to me Erin. I'm not mad, I'm just relieved that you're okay. That you're here in front of me." Hank kissed her forehead before motioning for her to sit down at her old desk. "Halstead told me today that you were getting yourself cleaned up. I'm proud of you for doing that. But I am disappointed that you went back there, to that life."

"I know, Hank. I cannot apologize more for that. I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am. For making you worried. For everything."

"It wasn't just me, kid. You got alot of people here who care about you a whole hell of alot." Erin sighed deeply, knowing that he was talking about Jay. "But I also want you to know that you're welcomed to come back here when you're ready." This made her look up. "I pulled Burgess up, and I feel bad for pulling the kid back and forth, so I'm thinking of making her a permanent member of the unit. And we'll just expand a little. Two females officers would help us out alot, and it would lighten the load of undercover work on you." Hank paused, a smirk creeping on his face. "They're engaged ya know. Burgess and Ruzek." Erin's eyebrows shot right up.

"Finally? He's had the ring for months, showed me it because he wanted to make sure that it was enough for her."

"Yeah, yeah. He did it the day you left, right in the locker room."

"And you're still going to give her a permanent spot up here?"

"You think she doesn't deserve it?"

"No no. She absolutely does. I just can't believe that you're okay with them being engaged and working together."

"Yeah, well they've proved themselves up here enough times that I think they could handle it." Erin was thinking her words over carefully.

"Do you think Jay and I could handle it? Because I think that we've proved ourselves enough up here as well."

"Is this about you coming back?"

"Yes. If I come back, you have to pardon us. Let us give this a real shot, because I swear to god Hank, he's the one. We talked about our relationship a little earlier. He said some things that made me realize that I've always been in love with him. And right now, he's still hurt from what I put him through. But I know that if he can find it in himself to forgive me, we could make it last. He's it for me, Hank. He's my Camille."

"Is that all I have to do? Allow you two to date?"

"When he's ready yes. But there's one other thing. I want you to take some leave, go visit Justin and Olive on base. Go meet your grandson Hank. From the few pictures that I've seen, Connor is beautiful." Hank's smile grows at the mention of the newest addition to their family. "He has Cam's eyes." His eyes glazed over and Erin didn't know if it was because the sun was still low in the sky or because of the mention of his late wife.

"Once you get settled in I will. I'll let Alvin and Dawson handle it." They chatted about her coming back, what she had missed. Eventually, Erin left to get them breakfast, insisting that Hank ate something. She returned 45 minutes later, more frustrated now that when she had left. The idiot behind the counter had given her the wrong coffee, twice, burnt the bagel that her breakfast sandwich was on, and tried to get her number all within ten minutes. So when she returned to the unit to find only Jay at his desk, she knew that her day was only going to get worse.

"What are you doing here Erin? Trying to get good with Voight too?"

"Yeah, good morning to you too Halstead." She ignored any other comments that he had made towards her and continued walking into Voight's office. "You didn't tell him I was back?" She motioned to the man watching from outside the door.

"No. No I thought that it would be better if you were here for it too." She watched Voight motion for Jay to come in, mumbling a thanks. The door opened and closed and she still had not turned to face him.

"What's up sarge?"

"Starting today, you're back to being partnered with Lindsay." Erin's eyes were still on Hank but she heard the scoff her partner made.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No I'm not. And I don't know why you find it so funny?"

"Because she was basically missing for weeks and the second she comes back here and apologizes to you she gets her spot back!"

"Watch it Halstead. She got herself cleaned up, and she proved herself to me. Frankly I don't care what you think because this is my unit."

"Fine." She can feel his eyes on her. "But if she's back, I'm working with Kev today." And with that he went back to his desk, slamming the door behind him.

"I can stick him at the desk today if you want. You don't deserve to be talked to like that. I don't care if you love him or not,"

"No Hank. That's exactly what I deserve from him. Besides, I can ride a desk today. Catch up on cases and paperwork."

As the day went on, everyone else had arrived with questioning looks when they first saw her. But they welcomed her with open arms, well almost everyone. Jay hadn't said a word to her all day. She congratulated Ruzek and Burgess, promising to buy them a round or two some night at Mollies. When it was time to leave, she wanted to walk out with Jay and talk to him about what Voight said, but the second she stood up he was gone.

* * *

After spending hours sitting at home debating what she should do, she found herself at his apartment, looking up at that fourth floor window that she knew had a great view. Thinking over what she was going to say, she took the stairs instead of the creaky elevator that was about to give out any day now. Before she even knew what she was doing, she was knocking on the door, hoping he would atleast talk to her. She could hear his footsteps over the sound of the tv, bracing herself for him to yell at her once again.

"Wha-" He sighed loudly. "Why are you here Erin? "

"I told you I wanted to talk Jay. Now, can you just let me in so we don't have to do this here where all your neighbors can hear us?"

"I can't do that Erin." Before she could get another word in, he shut the door. Sighing she sat on the ground, leaning her back against the wall adjacent to his door. Not knowing what to do she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think if it was worth it. She didn't even think of the possibility that he would never forgive her. She thought that he would always wait for her to realize her feelings and come back to him. Maybe she was wrong.

Erin didn't know how long her eyes were shut, but she was guessing that it was atleast 5:30, considering the sun was beginning to come in through the hall window. She was woken by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs and stopping right in front of her.

"Erin? What, did you lose your key?" Will squatted down next to her in the hall, leaning against the wall too. He was one of the few people who knew about them.

"Uh no. Your wonderful brother in there won't let me in. He probably told you about my situation these past couple weeks?" He nodded in return. "Yeah, well I've cleaned myself up and I came back to work today and he wasn't too thrilled."

"Could ya blame him?" He backtracked before she got too angry. "I'm not taking sides here, I'm just going to tell you what I've seen since this all went down. He's been worried sick about you, he barely sleeps, only eats when I force feed him some take out, and he's never home. Most nights when he does come home he's either hammered or he's got his head shoved so far in a case file that he barely knows what day of the week it is. But he loves you. And he'll never stop loving you, because every night he comes home, no matter what state of mind he's in, he always goes and sits on his bed and he takes a picture of the two of you out of his nightstand. You know, the one from when he took you out to dinner to that hole-in-the-wall on the other side of town." She always thought that he deleted the picture, she never even thought that he would have it printed. It was slightly out of focus, and he wasn't even looking at the camera. She knew because she had the real picture, the one that they were both looking, on her phone.

"How do I get him to let me in?"

"Give him time I guess." Will knew that she wasn't just talking about the apartment. Erin nodded, taking in his advice, before standing to leave.

"I'm going to head home then, sorry I kept you out here. You probably could use all the sleep you could get right now."

"Yeah, well actually I missed having you around here. Even when you guys weren't together you were still here. And you always made sure there was beer in the fridge and actual food in the pantry."

"Yeah, because I know he could live off of tap water, almond milk, and saltines."

Just as Will reached for the door, it opened from the other side, revealing Jay in his running clothes.

"Will, hey I was wondering when you were coming home. Didn't know if you picked up a double."

"No, I was just chatting with Erin. But now I'm going to take a shower and catch some sleep before I get called in again." Jay stepped aside, letting his brother through the door. "And Erin. It was really good seeing you again." He left the two of them in the hall to talk.

"Can I say something? Or are you going to shut the door in my face again?"

"I'm going on a run."

"Seriously Jay? This will take two seconds."

"Fine, go ahead."

"I wanted to apologize. Not for going to Hank, or coming back and assuming that we could be partners because obviously you don't trust me yet."

"Er-"

"No I get it, I left without saying anything and I got myself into deep shit. But I want to apologize about us. I just assumed that you would always be waiting around for me. That no matter how long it took for me to realize that I love you, you would always be right there. But that wasn't the case. And I shouldn't have just assumed that you would want to get back with me. Especially after all the booze, and drugs and being with Landon. And honestly I don't blame you if you don't want to be my partner anymore-"

Her rant stopped the moment she felt his lips on hers. He held her face between both his hands, resting his thumbs on her cheeks. When she realized what was happening, she wasn't about to back down. Because this wasn't a pity kiss, this wasn't a final goodbye kiss. This was a kiss full of passion, like the one they first shared all those months ago. Her hand gripped his bicep while the other rested against his chest, the feeling of his heart rapidly beating under his shirt. She felt him begin to pull back, but she couldn't get herself to open her eyes. She felt one of his hands move down to hold her hand. The other pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Why-" She shook her head. "Jay, don't do this. Don't start this unless you're going to keep at it. I love you, and I know that I hurt you, but God, Jay this would hurt me too." With her eyes still shut, she felt him press a kiss against her forehead, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

"You said that you won't blame me if I don't want to be your partner anymore. And I don't." Her eyes opened wide. "I don't want to be your partner because I wouldn't be able to do this whenever I wanted to." She leaned her head against his shoulder, shaking it again.

"You can do that whenever you want." She pulled back to see the confused look on his face. "I told Voight that I had two conditions: 1. he had to take time off to visit Connor." His face looked even more confused, "Justin's son." Jay nodded, making a note to ask about her nephew later.

"What was the second?" Erin leaned up and pressed a kiss to the bottom of his jaw.

"That I could come back to the unit. But we could be pardoned." Erin pulled back to look at his reaction. Jay was looking at a spot on the wall, both of his eyebrows were raised. "I'm not saying right now. But when you're ready, when you aren't mad at me anymore, maybe we could give it a real chance."

"I'd like that."

He looked down and kissed her again.

"It has killed me not to do that, because even when I'm mad at you, I will never stop loving you."

"And I could never be done with you."


End file.
